“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster.
For when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”
~ Friederich Nietzsche
I guess, that’s what I was doing for the last two weeks:staring into the abyss
and digging the hole deeper & deeper.
Fueled by the voices of self doubt, sadness, fear, loneliness and what ever else usually tries to keep me down. And turning into quite the monster.
But it’s ok. It happens.
For me it’s not the easiest to get out of these moods as my personality is pretty much already on the melancholic site. I even can see a certain beauty in the pain of the heart.
Maybe I think that because somebody called me this year a ‘German romantic’:
apparently always keen for love with suffering.
Though I can be so silly with my possums, it’s not necessarily with a complete lightness of heart. That is not my strong site, the bright eyed optimist.
But I worked on plenty of stuff these last two years. And these moods are far less frequent than they used to be. And even though it’s hard to get out, I can see that their presence simply reminds me that a lot of my stuff and baggage is neither finished or healed. But that’s ok, too.
No instant fix there!
This morning I had a new student in my 60 minute Yin yoga class, in a gym in Amsterdam.
Lovely older lady that introduced herself pretty much with: "Are you the teacher? I don’t like Yoga!"
( and you know me: I love those students. Bring the all in my class. Let me change your mind )
But she went into the class with a really good spirit
and we joked around all class long, until I let her be by herself for the last few minutes of Savasana.
After class, after I said my quick good byes and was packing up my things she came over to me, tears running down her cheeks and a surprised expression on her face:
“I ... I ...don’t know what is happening...”.
So I assured her how very wonderful and “normal” it i,s to be able to find release through practice how ever it chooses to leave the body.
She mentioned her breast cancer, but it felt more as if she was talking to herself, trying to make sense of what was happening to her at that moment.
It was only a few minutes after class in a gym... and yet, so beautiful and so profound.
It felt as if she released something for me too.
That little reminder that healing ourselves is always available! I’m so grateful! #thankyou